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Spider Men

Hey Ya’ll!

It be the 1st Sunday of 2019. How has the 2019 been treating you hitherto? Well, after a very very very very long time, I am living a lazy life. Over a period of many years, I have concluded that laziness is my natural element. It comes SO easily to me, and it is precisely why I run away from it. I am compelled to be hyperactive, primarily because the lethargy of it, takes over my seconds, my minutes, my hours, my days, my months – my life.

So, as I sit here, in my warm quilt (nursing a bad cold btw!) – I decided – no more. The 6th day of the new year will see itself as a new opportunity for me. And I thought of getting back to doing – what I love doing most – writing.

If you have been around here enough, you know that I like me my movies and writing reviews for them. And when I saw Spiderman-Man Into the Spider Verse, I was just blown away. In terms of movies, 2019 could not have been a better start too. More on that later.

The script revolves around a teenage African American kid, Miles Morales who has ‘no expectations’ (Morales parodying Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations) of himself. He has been depicted as struggling to keep up in a stuffy new private school, where he is made to study against his wishes. He is obviously rebelling against his dad, who forced him to go to this private boarding school, aptly called ‘Visions High School’ (I hope I am getting the name right! I am still under the influence of drugs thanks to the doc’s prescription for cold). Every kid needs a role model, Morales’ is his laid-back super-fit, super-hot uncle Aaron Davis, who takes him to a closed subway station to spray paint a wall with him and cheer up his disheartened nephew – who is grudgingly trying to meet everyone’s expectations, except his own. Well, obviously not his own – because he doesn’t know what his expectations are of himself. And THERE – a radioactive spider bites him and well – the rest as they  say is – Comic Book Story inked by Stan Lee. (I won’t tell you the whole story now – will I? – just GO & WATCH THE MOVIE! Seriously! PLEASE!)

BILDUNGROMAN

The bildungsroman has been beautifully scripted by the writers. And Peter Parker in his many avatars (the lazy, cynical, fat one being my favourite btw! For obvious reasons!) has nurtured, mentored and guided Morales from the (Brooklyn) block in the best way possible that he could. But well, one can only be mentored enough – because none of it would really matter, unless Morales takes the leap of faith (in himself). Unless he has faith that in face of the most abject adversity, he can still get up and fight, none of that mentoring would matter. Ah yes! So much philosophy in animated movies these days (That’s just me folks! That’s just your good ol’ me!)

SOUNDTRACK

The Soundtrack is just kickass. From Blackway & Black Caviar’s ‘What’s Up Danger’ to DUCKWRTH & Shaboozey’s ‘Start a Riot’ – half the album to be precise, is going to be my go-to-workout / dancing-alone-in-my-car-track(s) hereon for quite some time. Jaden Smith’s ‘Way Up’ just instills the energy in you, in case you are about to be drained of it. Nicki Minaj & Annuel AA’s ‘Familia’ is just a go-hug-your-dad-and-dance-with-him kind of track, enthusing just the right amount of love for and enjoyment with the family. Post Malone & Swae Lee’s ‘Sunflower’ is going to be my happy / ease-that-tension track. But the crown for my favorite track has to be Beau Young Prince’s ‘Let Go’ (go listen to it if you are one of those relying on music alone/silently to feel that they are not the only ones trying to figure out life!). Overall, the soundtrack has the perfect blend of new-age electric cocktail with just the apt amount of deep emotional liqueur to quench your thirst for a GOOD album. FYI – This is the second album after Black Panther, that I have liked (in the recent past) that I can listen to in entirety. Go listen to it – if you are bumming around in your quilt like me – and have zilch desire to actually go watch the movie.

ANIMATION/VFX

The animation was just AWESOME. You know, I felt like a kid downing that big bucket of butter and caramel popcorn (yeah! I am weird. I unapologetically like my popcorn BOTH savoury and sweet! Whaaa?). You know the 3D was just awesome (yeah! I am child when it comes to animation – and then EVERYTHING becomes just AWESOME!). The thought-bubbles and the placement of words in each scene was meticulously placed and I am assuming painstakingly done. Each scene must have been visited, revisited, rerevisited and rerere-revisited just to get the placement of each word, in the particular angle that the director/animation experts wanted. Dude! The animation was just awesome ( *wearing my boots and eskimo jacket to go watch the movie again* )

CONCLUSION

All in all, this movie was (yeah!yeah! I know you have figured it out by now) – JUST AWESOME. To me, Stan Lee and all his superheroes till date, are an embodiment of the good in the world we wish to see. These superheroes are sculpted and titled rightly so, because despite the adversities in their personal lives, they do not give up. They do not give up on saving this decaying, dying cynical world. They believe that the burden of humanity rests on their shoulders. As Mary Jane rightly said in the movie – ‘We are all Spider Man’ / ‘All of us have Spider Man inside of us’ (I scratch my memory as I wish to type the actual quote! I couldn’t find it online either. Sorry. But you get the gist).

So, the big philosophical question is My Friend! Will you take that ‘leap of faith’? Will you believe – if not in anything and anyone else – in the goodness of your own heart? It’s capacity to be good? Will you take that leap of faith in yourself?

On that note, here’s wishing you a fab. 6th day of 2019. Or at least a good lazy Sunday. It rained here btw! =D

 

 

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My Tryst with Time – 2018 Chronicle

Hello Ya’ll!

Wishing you all the Season’s Greetings. =)

Can you believe it. 2018 is gone. Done and dusted. Poof. Well, it will take a while to get the date right (if you are those traditional ones like me, who still inks dates on her notes – professional and personal, both!) but we made it. Whether we liked it or not. Whether we enjoyed certain moments. Or loathed most of them (hi ya’ll cynics like me!). WE.MADE.IT.

It’s been a while I did this. Years actually. I am grateful, for you. I am grateful for the internet and am grateful to WordPress, that I can still do this. I removed some of the dusty cobwebs from older posts in 2018, and I resented the fact that I hadn’t done this in a while. I loved it. I LOVE it. I LOVE WRITING. Yet, I had let an integral part of me take a backseat. But 2018 had some other plans for me. For me, if I rewind 2018 and view it as a spectator, I will have to confess that it has been both a gruesome and a spectacular year in terms of outward circumstances, the year proposed.

The biggest achievement of 2018 for me, was our victory against the battle with cancer. Someone very dear to me, endured cancer for 2 years and in 2018, after arduous struggles, She/He made it out, Cancer-free. I cannot thank my God enough for having given us the strength to fight through it.

Apart from that, I saw upheavals in my personal life as well. Hearts were broken. Friendships were lost. I am quite notorious for living life in hyperboles. But well, that’s just me.

 

Professionally, as a lawyer, I had to let go of certain old ties and some very dear matters (Yes! I am THAT person who is attached to her matters! I gave it my hard work, time and life – YES! THEY MATTER TO ME!). I had to let go. I quit my first job. One, where I spent 3 and a half years of my life. That place had become my life. That place became Home away from Home. And come, December 31, 2018, I let that go.

 

2018 was a year of transformation. Had you asked me on January 01, 2018, I would NEVER have imagined that on January 01, 2019, I would be grateful for all the ‘losses’ I suffered in 2018. I would NEVER have imagined that 2018 would have been the kind of year that it had been. 2018, I felt, was a spectacular story unfolding itself. Initially, I felt, 2018 made me dance to its tune, till I took matters into my own hand. And I just sat on the merry-go-round, and enjoyed the ups-and-downs that 2018 proposed. And when I did that, it became exactly that – a joy ride.

The pertinent question that I was forced to ask (as much as I might like to live life in hyperboles, I am an introvert! So it takes me immense effort to ask for help!) was HOW does one enjoy BOTH the ups and downs alike. Sometime, in early August, 2018, I fell flat into abject abyss (see the hyperbole context!) – I never realised something could have such a huge impact on my life. But it did. And I could not escape it. How do you escape life? How do you run out of your skin, when disaster strikes? Isn’t it selfish to do so? We so merrily enjoy this skin, when the outward experiences are in our favour, then why do we feel like escaping and running away from ourselves when sorrow strikes? Okay, sorry, diverging.

 

I LITERALLY sat down then and asked my God, for help. I asked for help to tell me of tools that enable you ‘accept’ experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant alike. And somehow, I was heard. The Bhagwad Gita entered my life. So did spirituality, in manifold forms. I could never understand how one meditates, although, EVERYONE I spoke with, is an expert at meditating (yes! you see my eyes roll as I type this!). I believe spirituality was a consequence of the Bhagwad Gita. I have been meaning to read the Bhagwad Gita for the longest time. But I could never find an interpretation that was conducive to my intellect (on some days I like to believe I am intelligent. Kidding ya! I just needed a GOOD interpretation of the text!). I have found, bought and rejected some extremely fancily bound Bhagwad Gita(s) whose interpretation would deserve my waste bin (I am sorry, but that’s the blunt truth!). While, 2018 was unfolding itself, it presented to me, Paramhansa Yogananda’s Bhagwad Gita, Chinmaya Mission’s Gita for Children, Ashtavrak’s Gita and one more I cannot recall for the life of me. The Bhagwad Gita/She changed me. She became the saadhan (tool) for change in my life. It altered my pessimism (I am still working on it btw!). But She did. She brought to me miracles. She brought in my life – Yoga. I am grateful, firstly to Rujuta Diwekar for having adviced Iyengar Yoga and the Bhagwad Gita, for an Iyengar Yoga centre close to home (just btw, in a population of more than 1 billion, we only have 25 certified Iyengar Yoga teachers in India!). I still cannot meditate btw, please do advice, if you can. I am NOT religious btw. Because I believe, religion in India is a fucked up equation that only means RITUALISM. I am not THAT. I am not ritual. I am human. I believe in humanity. And my fundamental policy to date is that I like to make peace with my spinal cord when I sleep at night. Simple. As long as I am doing that, I am good to go. Probably, my quirkiness, my exuberant enthusiasm, my in-your-face-attitude to live each moment like my last might bother some, actually A LOT of people, but ah well, I am making peace with my spine and my conscience.

So the lessons I learnt/experiences I had of 2018 (which I intend to read on January 01, 2020 and laugh hopefully!) and am sharing with you are:

  1. TREAT YOUR BODY LIKE A TEMPLE, YOUR BREATHE LIKE GOD – so I run marathons, and I trained hard for it this year, but just before the ADHM, my knee gave up. I cursed my knee for a couple of days. I did. But then Iyengar Yoga happened. And I realised, the fact that I have my knee and my legs is a blessing in itself. I don’t know how modern science explains it, but the ancient science of Yoga (Lord Patanjali from India) explains that our breathe (Prana) is the manifestation of God, herself/himself. Yoga taught me to treat my body like a temple, and my Prana worthy of its status. (Btw! Yoga is an experience, you won’t understand it, till you experience it. And NO what Ramdev teaches is JUST asanas, it is NOT Yoga!);
  2. LAUGH IT OFF – EVERYTHING, ANYTHING, NOTHING – Just laugh. For a reason, for no reason. It increases the blood flow in your system. And just makes you feel lighter. You don’t money for it. Nor an outward experience. It is ALL you. So just laugh man! Especially, in the face of adversity. JUST LAUGH!
  3. READ THE BHAGWAD GITA- I am currently reading the above-mentioned interpretations. I have distributed/advised people Sri Yogananda Paramhansa’s interpretation like candy in 2018. I am ALSO reading Dr. S.Radhakrishnan’s interpretation of the ‘Upanishads’. I am doing so, because these texts provide the scientific way to a happier life in the ancient times. I understand now, why it isn’t taught as part of the curriculum in our fancy schools (well! they are driven by insecurity, and these texts imbibe values of personal security!). [FOR MORE DETAILS/QUESTIONS/SUGGESTIONS – please text/inbox me!]
  4. SPEND TIME OUTSIDE YOUR CIRCLES – outside your age groups/social circles/social stratas. Try a new activity. I found yogaaaaaa. =D . I make friends with baristas at coffee shops. Talk to random people on train travels. The colony guards/the juicewala/Uber & Ola drivers and others I cannot remember. They really are updated with the political climate of the country and the drivers especially enlighten me like no other. Their astute observations makes me question my intellect (and keeps me humble! or so I like to believe!).
  5. I EAT A LOT (of meetha!) – And need to cut it down. I have gained CRAAAAZY amount of weight which I need to lose. (Any suggestions welcome – No gym please! No running either!).
  6. READ : just read the newspaper man! I read the Indian Express and the Business Standard and the Mint on my phone. Sometimes the NY Times and am forced to read some write-ups from Bloomberg, now and then. I also read books – I have started off SOOOO many books without finishing them, but I intend to finish some this January. Cuckold by Kiran Nagarkar is one of them and one of my favourites of all times. Thanks to the person who gifted it to me. That book is my miracle. That book changed my life (for the better! = D). So, yeah, read it when you get a chance.
  7. #METOO – the revolutionary controversial movement. I am yet to write my take on it. Shall do so soon.
  8. SAI KRIPA – I am finally associated with an orphanage. I cannot thank my God, for bringing this orphanage in my life.
  9. FRIENDSHIPS LOST – I am bad at goodbyes. It stems from my inherent fear of loss. But I lost some important friendships. I hope I am able to let go of them soon. I hope we are able to be there, when the other realises their mistake.
  10. FRIENDSHIPS GAINED – loss is an opportunity for gain. And while, some friendships were lost, I gained some deep, meaningful long-lasting friendships. I rekindled some old friendships (you know who you are!). And I cannot live without these people.
  11. SCIENTIFIC ROUTE TO SPIRITUALITY – like I said, I am not religious. I am exploring avenues and methods to be more spiritual. If you have any saadhan (tools), please do let me know. Just FYI, from my brief understanding of our Vedic culture, we have always been a populace of scientific methods of spiritualism. I am still learning, but thoroughly enjoying the magic.
  12. I AM NOT GOING TO GET EVERYTHING I WANT, I AM GOING TO GET EVERYTHING I DESERVE – And late into my 20s, after having lived a ‘tough life’ (as some people call it!) – I am finally learn to make peace with it.

 

Here’s raising a toast to 2019. One, where you read MORE from me. To me, to writing more. To being More. It is my year. It is our year.

 

Cheers!

https://www.instagram.com/anounceofeternity/p/BqJwEOGgPfA/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=2lvfpf5s473w

I Killed Omran Daqneesh

If you’re an ardent facebook-er, I think you must know that Omran Daqneesh for all practical purposes is alive. Yes, he is alive. His heart still beats, the blood still courses through his veins, his brain is functional. Yes, he is one of the lucky ones who survived the air strike that left no member of his family alive in his hometown of Aleppo.Yes, he is lucky that he shall have someone to tend to him at the hospital to ‘clean him up’. Yes, he is very lucky to have lived. But my question is this, what exactly is the standard of living that we accord upon humans today, let alone children?

 

If you have seen the poor boy, you would know that he is in utter shock, after being dug out from under the rubble. What devastating catastrophe must be brewing inside him that he could even muster to shed a tear. What conspiracy is he a part of to be able to wage a war against the Bigwigs of the World?

The tragedy is not one child, whose picture was slashed across social media, it is the pitiful conditions of those who die without any medical assistance, because there is none in cities like Aleppo. It is a pitiful conditions for those children, who survive and are forced to migrate to countries like Turkey where they work as laborers in factories to support themselves and their families. It is a tragedy that the kids are stripped off their innocence and childhood at such a tender age. I recall, at the age of 4, the most grotesque instant that I had witnessed was my brother brawling with a chap making lewd remarks. MAX! And THAT has stuck with me. So I left to wonder , the catastrophic affect the war of men has left on these kids.

Are we in want of another Anne Frank? Are we heading towards another World War? Have we learnt nothing at all? But more importantly, are we even humans?

I write this post today, as I feel slightly responsible for murdering Omran Daqneesh’s and several other childrens’ innocence and childhood. What have I done as a citizen of this world to

today? I do, I grudgingly do feel responsible for it. Because I do nothing at all. I lose faith in MY existence as a human. I am enraged by such behavior, I succumb to their behavior, my eyes become violent. YET, I do nothing.

I am like the title goes, a murderer. I scroll the page up and down when I conveniently want to avoid news which doesn’t please my intellect, or lack thereof. I turn a blind eye to Syria each day, and only write about it occasionally when I see something on Facebook. But what have I done, really? What am I doing about it? How am I contributing to healing this world?

I have no more words to share. No more adages to console you and me.

Hopefully, I will. One day. Till then…

raise my voice against atrocities subjected on civilians who in no way are even remotely related or involved in terrorist activities? Kids? Rugrats? That’s who we think are terrorists

 

I Want To See Boys Cry

Before the boys in the house start hurling shoes at me, I would sincerely request you to read the post, before you proceed. 😛

Hello Ya’ll!

I promised all my lovelies that I shall be writing every Sunday evening, but me being me, I somehow managed to procrastinate and delay it till today. So do accept my most sincere apologies.

Yes! Now to expand on the title. First of all, I have been meaning to write on this topic for eons now. But somehow, I could  not condense the thoughts and give them the tangible form of words. But, I think after quite some deliberation, life events and plentiful reading, I figured that it all boils down to the fact that boys ought to cry more often.

*Saves self from the shoes hurled*

Fine! Fine! I shall explain why I want to see more tormented boys around!

Well, without taking any credit for originality I would like to attribute this post to the advertisement that featured Ms. Madhuri Dixit, which was the brainchild of Vogue India, that we do not teach our boys to be sensitive, that we disallow our boys to cry. We admonish them as ‘why are you crying like a girl’. Slap me, if you haven’t done or thought about this at the least once.

The sex, as I specified in one of my previous posts, defines the roles in our society. The girl has the ‘feminine’ role to play, while the boys tough it out. Since their childhood, we do not teach our boys to be more sensitive, we do not teach them to be more responsible towards their home, we most definitely do not teach them that ‘crying is not a bad thing’. Rather, crying as the advertisement goes is an attribute associated with femininity.These pre-defined roles obscure the unpainted canvass of these poor kids who fight their natural instincts to be more human, and become the pseudo-Macho Man that they pose to be.

Mind you, there is an image that goes with it. And mind you again, that image is alluring to MOST women (okay fine! It appeals to me as well!). And that image is the ‘Bad Boy’ image. These ‘Bad Boys’ as my understanding of them goes, are if objectified and dissected are clad in a white T-shirt,  black leather jacket clad and ride their even more macho bikes(in today’s world, let’s hand them a fancy car instead of a bike), black Ray Ban Wayfarers, walking around town like they care two hoots about the world. Now, COME ON! You fell for that, didn’t you. :P. Well, that’s besides the point. The point being, a bad boy is more appealing and alluring than a regular boy who is more human and understanding. So, believe it or not, we as a society are Frankestein creating these monsters of our own. But what we do not realize is that these monsters that we have created are not a work of fiction, rather unlike fiction, these monsters are actual human beings, one with flesh and bones and a suppressed heart lying somewhere between the ribs. These monsters that we have so conveniently created to fit into their pre-defined roles are not humans who are now void of any emotion or sentiment, but simply those who were forced to mask any kind of sentiment or emotion except those of anger and rage, which bodes well with their ‘Macho Man’ and ‘Bad Boy’ image.For instance, it is manlier to come back home and demand a cup of chai or coffee from your wife rather than helping the tired female in the kitchen. It is manlier to give ‘Maa Ki’ , ‘Behen Ki’ galiyaan (abuses derogating the mother and sister) than apologizing if you dent someone’s car. And yes, the majestic ‘I am always right’ attitude that boys walk around with. Don’t you think it’s manlier to behave in this fashion? 

I do not know about you, but to me, and frankly, I might be wrong when saying this, that this is just a method of masking their insecurities. It is just a cover up for the scared little child inside. Defense mechanism as they call it.

Well, if you and I are still  on the same page, then you would agree that the damage is already done…and if the damage is done, what is the solution to restore or at the least ameliorate the situation?

At the cost of sounding extremely preach-y, I  would like to suggest here, why not sensitize the man in your life. Whoever this man maybe in your life: your father, your brother, your boy friend, your husband or your best friend for that matter.

Why not allow him to be more human, and not just be a man. Why not give him the space and security, whatever role this man plays in your life, to express his feelings, in words. To be able to verbalize what he is feeling. To be express his feelings through his tears and not deride him or cultivating feelings.  Why not give him the space to explore and discover himself. Why not allow them to be whoever they want to be.

That is why I think boys should cry more often, for them to be able to grow into men. To be able to grow into the lives that they are comfortable leading and living.

And that is where I differentiate between boys and men. A man does not shy away from acknowledging the women in his life. He does not fall short of expressing himself regardless of the fact that others might rebuke him as sissy.

A man is well-mannered and understands that tears, just like smiles are ways to let out the humanity in him, to purge himself, to cleanse himself, instead of bottling it up inside. And he understands that tears are not only a medium to express sorrow and remorse, but also joy and happiness. He understands the value of each drop shed, and that is precisely why he does not shy away from crying. He doesn’t quite care what the world thinks of his humanity, but he is secure in his skin and ‘manly parts’ and does not shy away from crying.

Well, that is why I want to see boys cry. Because if boys do not cry, how will they be free from the clutches that we conveniently created for them? How will they escape their baggage of insecurities? How will they stop living in perpetual denial?

Be nice to these boys, will you. They are already suffering a lot, and if they cannot cry, now you can hurl your shoes at me, have your laugh riot and THEN shed a tear or two!

 

My Matrimonial Advertisement

Namaste Auntyji,

“Pairi paunna! Kaisi hai aap? Nahi Aunty abhi shaadi ka koi vichaar nahi hai. I know I will not get the option of ‘pick and choose’ for the groom as I grow older. But thank you so much for your unconditional love and concern. Nahi Auntyji, mein inni soni kudi hone pe bhi apne liye koi ladka nahi dhoondh paayi. Please maafi de do?”

If you are an Indian girl aged in her 20s, you cannot deny that you have at the least not been hounded once by one of the Auntyjis who harrow you with the question of marriage and how we haven’t found one ‘suitable boy’ yet. You have, haven’t you? Well, first of all, all you Auntyjis out there, thank you so much for all of your love and concern for my marriage but I would highly appreciate it that you concentrate your energy on yourself rather than rubbing your bored nose in my personal business. It is just plain nosy. I am more than happy for you that your daughter recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 10 years, but that does  not necessarily mean that the hourglass has turned and time is ticking for me to get married. Thank you very much.

We all have one of these pesky Auntyji who refuse to poke their nose from our personal lives. We have had one throughout our lives. One who compared her children’s marks with ours in school, one who compared which degree we are pursuing in comparison to their own supremely talented kids, then came the comparison qua our pay package and now finally (now because, this is the stage of life I am at, I shall continue the saga  when Auntyji starts poking her nose to force me into pregnancy and so on) of the urgency to have us married. For the life of me, I cannot fathom, whether she considers me a burden on her or my parents, who cannot wait to get rid of me. I know this post sounds like an enraged spinster, very Bridget Jones going home for Christmas-y, but the blunt truth is, I am more than happy with where and who I am right now. And what ticks me off is when I am not remotely involved in your life, what is your concern as to where my life is heading?

Having said that, I am not opposed to marriage, and as the title of the post goes, this is more of a matrimonial advertisement than a rant. So continuing on that course, since I love to write, I thought I would be more expressive on my views on marriage on paper and present a more accurate picture, since the information is first hand and not edited at all.

So here goes…

I am a typical Indian, who has been brought up with Indian Sanskaar, but I think my parents defaulted a little in bringing me up as a human being in comparison to a girl. They should have taught me the difference between the two. And then they went on to commit the monumental sin of sending me to a boarding school where I learnt to be absolutely independent and a free-thinker. *tch tch*. Okay, I think, the rant is still continuing, so I shall try and behave myself a little.

The fact of the matter is, I am an extremely traditional girl when it comes to marriage. It is an absolutely sacrosanct relationship for me. And it is a life long decision, so I cannot fathom the urgency with which the parents or the Auntyjis of our lives want us to be married? I need to figure myself out first. I am starting a brand new chapter of my life where I want to at least finish a page (read: a year or two into my career) or two before I start the next chapter. So what is the rush? Is it the biology? That my time to reproduce is inversely proportionate to my physical growth in age? Or the fact I shall physically age? Or that I might have ‘needs’ which might taint my character? Or frankly, that I might have the option to ‘cherry pick’ the person I have to spend the rest of my life with?

Damn it! This nowhere comes close to a matrimonial advertisement.

Okay, let me try again.

“Dear Future Husband!

I hope I find you, if I am ever so lucky to find a person, with whom I am willing to spend the rest of my life, and you in return, are willing  to endure the absolute madness that I am, I think I would consider myself truly blessed.

I am very tempted to say that you would add meaning to my life, but I have been enormously blessed with a family and a handful of friends who have given my life meaning. (We just found each other, remember?!) . If we are getting married, then you know it is founded on love. I do not know WHEN we will meet each other, but you know by now, I was never the one to compromise. Love and respect are the only two grounds that this relationship holds any  value for me. (For you too, right!). I love you like mad, but you already know that. Because you know that’s how I love. You know I beam when you look at me and that I write letters to you in hand and shall continue to do so, because we shall cherish and nurture our love and it shall only grow with each passing day. Please know, even if we fight, and maybe for days or months together, our love shall be strong enough to withstand any kind of storm. You know I know how to cook, but I rarely do, but if you really want me to, I shall cook for you, mind you, occasionally.

Please know, till last year, I used to walk around with a checklist, searching for a man to fit that checklist. But today, I have grown a little wiser, and I do not love you for the money you have in your bank, the car you drive, the house you have or the way you look. If you have all of this, great, this is all the cherry and the icing of the cake. The actual cake is you and your heart and your soul. And the fact, that you love me a little more than I love you. Because that is all that I want from you. If you do not have any of it, we shall build a life together, and manage with whatever we have till the time we don’t have it. The fun is not in reaching the destination, but travelling the journey TOGETHER, side by side with each other. Please know, I do not want you to hide your struggles from me. I know you are a man and shall be tempted to be protective most of the times,but please know, we are in this together. There shall  be days when you are crumbling, please allow me to be a pillar of strength to you, because I know, when I fail and fall, you will do the same for me. We are partners in this, no?

Please know, I want you to be my home. And that I want me to be your home. A home is a place where you feel the safest. I want our hugs to be like that. And that we should hug each day, even if we are fighting or not talking to each other or not even in the same city! Home is where one feels most at peace. Let us build our own little haven over the years? Say what?

Please know, the only other thing I want from you is that you love my parents as your own. I just have a father and an older left for me. And I would you to at the least value them. And I shall do the same. I shall love your parents as my own. Your family is my family. As I was wisely told in my teens, marriage is not a union of two individuals, it is a marriage of two families. Can we please continue mutual love for each others’ families and take care of them as our own?

I think I have yapped enough, but one last thing, I want us to have kids. And not just human kids, I want pets. Preferably dogs. And our kids, both human and animal, shall be our legacy that we leave back.

Oh wait! I have some more. I feel utter joy while typing this. Because albeit  I have not met you yet, I know I am not willing to settle for anything less than you and if I do find you, I shall marry you in a jiffy, because I know I have found the ONLY person I was ever looking for. 🙂 Hopefully, the same applies to me.

I shall support you in building your career and I hope you will support me in building mine. I know we shall have to make several compromises along the way, for ourselves, our careers, our kids, but let’s not the circumstances of life, affect our love for each other in any way. Because, relationships are much more valuable to me than an x number of notes lying in my bank. No,  I do not mean that my career isn’t important to me, but let’s build each other along the way as individuals in tandem with building ourselves as a unit, because we have been brought up to be independent individuals, and let’s face it, we shall be sick of spending TOO much time together and we need to retain our individuality as well. No? Can we give each other that much space? Please?

I think, I shall end it here, by saying, you know, I haven’t been privy to any happy marriage and that I am afraid even though I haven’t even found you yet. Please allay my fears. I am giving you a precious part of me, my heart. It can be easily broken. Please don’t break it when I am old and wrinkly or when I throw an unnecessary tantrum. Through all of the ups and downs in life, all the celebratory moments and the upheavals, let just two things remain constant: our love and us.

Forever yours,

Complete Madness,

Your Wife”

 

I had no other way to pen down my Matrimonial Advertisement than to be absolutely honest about my opinion on it. I apologize to all my lovely Auntyjis and would like to tell them all that I am extremely traditional about the concept of marriage and value it is an absolutely pious and sacrosanct relationship, precisely why I am unwilling to ‘settle’ for someone who I do not believe to be worthy of a partner and haven’t found one yet. Hopefully, I will find someone like that, but till then, now you know who am I looking for, and who I am not. Kindly, share my matrimonial advertisement if you are keen on finding me a suitable ‘candidate’.

 

 

 

Aam Aurat

Hello My Pretty Pretty Lovelies Out There,

First of all I would like to take this opportunity and wish all my lovely ladies out there a Belated Happy Women’s Day. That being said throughout my adolescence I haven’t really been a big fan of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for ‘women empowerment’ but to designate one mere day to celebrate women according to me is an abysmal travesty. But then I realized in India there are plenty festivals which involve worshiping Goddesses and that too seems  an aspirational   ‘women empowerment’ module. Well of sorts. I deduce that I have met my predicament half way and say that this is an opportunity to assign one specific day to celebrate womanhood.

I think that settles my introspective debate I keep having.

Women today across most sectors are pioneering cult personalities and paving  a way for us to assimilate into what I’d like to call ‘the man’s world’. Most of these keys figures have had to push and shove and reach where they have while in tandem juggling with their family lives. I have been working for what, a year now, and boy oh boy, has the work taken a toll on my life. I am physically incapable of taking care of myself after work. I CRAVE weekends to get household chores done. While these women not only struggled their way through careers, most of the times being mocked and scoffed at, while also sustaining an equilibrium at the home front.Kudos to you.

Lots to learn from them I must say.

While that is the bright side of the day, these are also the times where I hear and read more rampantly about rape cases then I did probably 10 years ago. One particular case that got my attention was of a 15 year old girl who was raped and then set on fire. When I read about it, I was utterly speechless and dumbfounded. I had enraged beyond human comprehension and I wondered what happened to the Justice Verma recommendations which were proposed after the Nirbhaya incident? What happened to the zeal and enthusiasm of the common folk with which they revolted against barbaric and archaic rape laws in our country? Had that fervor subdued over the incessant repetitiveness  of such ‘cases’. I suppose that is what it has become today: ‘a case’.

I think what bugs me more is when I hear “Bhagwaan ka shukar hai mere saath nahi hua/humaari beti ke saath nahi hua” or the self-confessed intellectuals conveniently turning a blind eye towards news like this. I mean for me at the least, whenever I read or hear about such news, I feel someone has mentally raped me, I feel as though someone has mentally stripped me naked and subjected me to a violent act of mental rape,’cause this X person has. He has scarred me.He is scarring me.

And here I am celebrating Women’s Day. While I could be ‘doing something’ about sociopaths like these. I feel at a crossroad on most days when I think of this issue frankly. On one hand, the women force in India is progressing forward shoulder to shoulder with men while there is this issue where the women in the society endure regressive pressure of tradition, customs and such injustice. (Yes! I would like to bracket some of these redundant traditions and customs with the injustice of rape.)

Why do we go to temples when we do not worship the ‘Devis’ residing in our homes? Why do we call ‘Bhaarat’ our ‘Mata’ when we treat Her with utter disrespect? Why do we talk of being protective of our mothers, daughters and sisters when we disrespect the mothers, daughters and sisters of others? Why?

I think I would like to partially blame patriarchy here. We are all victims of it. We think that albeit a woman is working it is HER fundamental duty to the chores at home. We think albeit she is making money, she should not be making MORE money than the boy/husband she is with. We think that after producing a child, it is HER fundamental duty to put her career rust in sabbatical. While on the same hand we also think that MEN should be fundamental strong and care-takers. We also think that MEN should not be emotional and shedding tears qualifies as ‘sissy/feminine’ behavior. We also think that MEN sharing their feelings conveniently retrogrades them as ‘weak individuals.’ We think that MEN are the bread-winners while the women are the ‘HOME-MAKERS’. WE DECIDE THESE ROLES. Does a child through his/her formative years know that he/she is a he/she? We make him/her a him or a her. I think this archaic parameter of role definition and corresponding ‘Sanskar-ism’ based on the gender should be done away with. We need to teach our kids to be good human beings firstly before we define them based on their gender. I think that is enough gyaan for the day. Ain’t it?

Well, that being said,  I would like to end this post by raising a toast to all those lovely ladies out there struggling to define themselves as (primarily as) people in this vastly divided world (primarily based on gender, then religion, caste, creed, state, class etc) and to all the men out there aspiring to be emotionally sensitive (in their own funky ways). To all of you celebrating the ‘Aam Aurat’ : Cheers for better times to come. Here’s to hoping of a ‘Bharat Mata’ living up to the great burden of Her Name.
Cheers.

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