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I Want To See Boys Cry

Before the boys in the house start hurling shoes at me, I would sincerely request you to read the post, before you proceed. ūüėõ

Hello Ya’ll!

I promised all my lovelies that I shall be writing every Sunday evening, but me being me, I somehow managed to procrastinate and delay it till today. So do accept my most sincere apologies.

Yes! Now to expand on the title. First of all, I have been meaning to write on this topic for eons now. But somehow, I could  not condense the thoughts and give them the tangible form of words. But, I think after quite some deliberation, life events and plentiful reading, I figured that it all boils down to the fact that boys ought to cry more often.

*Saves self from the shoes hurled*

Fine! Fine! I shall explain why I want to see more tormented boys around!

Well, without taking any credit for originality I would like to attribute this post to the advertisement that featured Ms. Madhuri Dixit, which was the brainchild of Vogue India, that we do not teach our boys to be sensitive, that we disallow our boys to cry. We admonish them as ‘why are you crying like a girl’. Slap me, if you haven’t done or thought about this at the least once.

The sex, as I specified in one of my previous posts, defines the roles in our society. The girl has the ‘feminine’ role to play, while the boys tough it out. Since their childhood, we do not teach our boys to be more sensitive, we do not teach them to be more responsible towards their home, we most definitely do not teach them that ‘crying is not a bad thing’. Rather, crying as the advertisement goes is an attribute associated with femininity.These pre-defined roles obscure the unpainted canvass of these poor kids who fight their natural instincts to be more human, and become the pseudo-Macho Man that they pose to be.

Mind you, there is an image that goes with it. And mind you again, that image is alluring to MOST women (okay fine! It appeals to me as well!). And that image is the ‘Bad Boy’ image. These ‘Bad Boys’ as my understanding of them goes, are if objectified and dissected are clad in a white T-shirt, ¬†black leather jacket clad and ride their even more macho¬†bikes(in today’s world, let’s hand them a fancy car instead of a bike), black Ray Ban Wayfarers, walking around town like they care two hoots about the world. Now, COME ON! You fell for that, didn’t you. :P. Well, that’s besides the point. The point being, a bad boy is more appealing and alluring than a regular boy who is more human and understanding. So, believe it or not, we as a society are Frankestein creating these monsters of our own. But what we do not realize is that these monsters that we have created are not a work of fiction, rather unlike fiction, these monsters are¬†actual human beings, one¬†with flesh and bones and a suppressed heart lying somewhere between the ribs. These monsters that we have so conveniently created to fit into their pre-defined roles¬†are not humans who are now void of any emotion or sentiment, but simply those who were forced to mask any kind of sentiment or emotion except those of anger and rage, which bodes well with their ‘Macho Man’ and ‘Bad Boy’ image.For instance, it is manlier to come back home and demand a cup of chai or coffee from your wife rather than helping the tired female¬†in the kitchen. It is manlier to give ‘Maa Ki’ , ‘Behen Ki’ galiyaan (abuses derogating the mother and sister) than apologizing if you dent someone’s car. And yes, the majestic ‘I am always right’ attitude that boys walk around with. Don’t you think it’s manlier to behave in this fashion?¬†

I do not know about you, but to me, and frankly, I might be wrong when saying this, that this is just a method of masking their insecurities. It is just a cover up for the scared little child inside. Defense mechanism as they call it.

Well, if you and I are still ¬†on the same page, then you would agree that the damage is already done…and if the damage is done, what is the solution to restore or at the least ameliorate the situation?

At the cost of sounding extremely preach-y, I  would like to suggest here, why not sensitize the man in your life. Whoever this man maybe in your life: your father, your brother, your boy friend, your husband or your best friend for that matter.

Why not allow him to be more human, and not just be a man. Why not give him the space and security, whatever role this man plays in your life, to express his feelings, in words. To be able to verbalize what he is feeling. To be express his feelings through his tears and not deride him or cultivating feelings.  Why not give him the space to explore and discover himself. Why not allow them to be whoever they want to be.

That is why I think boys should cry more often, for them to be able to grow into men. To be able to grow into the lives that they are comfortable leading and living.

And that is where I differentiate between boys and men. A man does not shy away from acknowledging the women in his life. He does not fall short of expressing himself regardless of the fact that others might rebuke him as sissy.

A man is well-mannered and understands that tears, just like smiles are ways to let out the humanity in him, to purge himself, to cleanse himself, instead of bottling it up inside. And he understands that tears are not only a medium to express sorrow and remorse, but also joy and happiness. He understands the value of each drop shed, and that is precisely why he does not shy away from crying.¬†He doesn’t quite¬†care what the world thinks of his humanity, but he is secure in his skin and ‘manly parts’ and does not shy away from crying.

Well, that is why I want to see boys cry. Because if boys do not cry, how will they be free from the clutches that we conveniently created for them? How will they escape their baggage of insecurities? How will they stop living in perpetual denial?

Be nice to these boys, will you. They are already suffering a lot, and if they cannot cry, now you can hurl your shoes at me, have your laugh riot and THEN shed a tear or two!

 

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Aam Aurat

Hello My Pretty Pretty Lovelies Out There,

First of all I would like to take this opportunity and wish all my lovely ladies out there a Belated Happy Women’s Day. That being said throughout my adolescence I haven’t really been a big fan of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for ‘women empowerment’ but to designate one mere day to celebrate women according to me is an abysmal travesty. But then I realized in India there are plenty festivals which involve worshiping Goddesses and that too seems ¬†an aspirational¬† ¬†‘women empowerment’ module. Well of sorts. I deduce that I have met my predicament half way and say that this is an opportunity to assign one specific day to celebrate womanhood.

I think that settles my introspective debate I keep having.

Women today across most sectors are pioneering cult personalities and paving ¬†a way for us to assimilate into what I’d like to call ‘the man’s world’. Most of these keys figures have had to push and shove and reach where they have while in tandem juggling with their family lives. I have been working for what, a year now, and boy oh boy, has the work taken a toll on my life. I am physically incapable of taking care of myself after work. I CRAVE weekends to get household chores done. While these women not only struggled their way through careers, most of the times being mocked and scoffed at, while also sustaining an equilibrium at the home front.Kudos to you.

Lots to learn from them I must say.

While that is the bright side of the day, these are also the times where I hear and read more rampantly about rape cases then I did probably 10 years ago. One particular case that got my attention was of a 15 year old girl who was raped and then set on fire. When I read about it, I was utterly speechless and dumbfounded. I had enraged beyond human comprehension and I wondered what happened to the Justice Verma recommendations which were proposed after the Nirbhaya incident? What happened to the zeal and enthusiasm of the common folk with which they revolted against barbaric and archaic rape laws in our country? Had that fervor subdued over the incessant repetitiveness ¬†of such ‘cases’. I suppose that is what it has become today: ‘a case’.

I think what bugs me more is when I hear “Bhagwaan ka shukar hai mere saath nahi hua/humaari beti ke saath nahi hua” or the self-confessed intellectuals conveniently¬†turning a blind eye towards news like this. I mean for me at the least, whenever I read or hear about such news, I feel someone has mentally raped me, I feel as though someone has mentally stripped me naked and subjected me to a violent act of mental rape,’cause this X person has. He has scarred me.He is scarring me.

And here I am celebrating Women’s Day. While I could be ‘doing something’ about sociopaths like these. I feel at a crossroad on most days when I think of this issue frankly. On one hand, the women force in India is progressing forward shoulder to shoulder with men while there is this issue where the women in the society endure regressive pressure of tradition, customs and such injustice. (Yes! I would like to bracket some of these redundant traditions and customs with the injustice of rape.)

Why do we go to temples when we do not worship the ‘Devis’ residing in our homes? Why do we call ‘Bhaarat’ our ‘Mata’ when we treat Her with utter disrespect? Why do we talk of being protective of our mothers, daughters and sisters when we disrespect the mothers, daughters and sisters of others? Why?

I think I would like to partially blame patriarchy here. We are all victims of it. We think that albeit a woman is working it is HER fundamental duty to the chores at home. We think albeit she is making money, she should not be making MORE money than the boy/husband she is with. We think that after producing a child, it is HER fundamental duty to put her career rust in sabbatical. While on the same hand we also think that MEN should be fundamental strong and care-takers. We also think that MEN should not be emotional and shedding tears qualifies as ‘sissy/feminine’ behavior. We also think that MEN sharing their feelings conveniently retrogrades them as ‘weak individuals.’ We think that MEN are the bread-winners while the women are the ‘HOME-MAKERS’. WE DECIDE THESE ROLES. Does a child through his/her formative years know that he/she is a he/she? We make him/her a him or a her. I think this archaic parameter of role definition and corresponding ‘Sanskar-ism’ based on the gender should be done away with. We need to teach our kids to be good human beings firstly before we define them based on their gender. I think that is enough gyaan for the day. Ain’t it?

Well, that being said, ¬†I would like to end this post by raising a toast to all those lovely ladies out there struggling to define themselves as (primarily as) people in this vastly divided world (primarily based on gender, then religion, caste, creed, state, class etc) and to all the men out there aspiring to be emotionally sensitive (in their own funky ways). To all of you celebrating the ‘Aam Aurat’ : Cheers for better times to come. Here’s to hoping of a ‘Bharat Mata’ living up to the great burden of Her Name.
Cheers.

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