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Without You My Friend

Dear All,

I stand in no position to apologize for the continuous hiatus I keep taking from blogging. I blame my laziness through and through. Lack of inspiration would simply be an excuse. But today’s post is more of a confession. A cathartic confession. I have all my life, yes, ALL.MY.LIFE. been a romantic. Lovers also awed me, the concept of two people falling in love amongst billions of human beings at the same time fascinated me, it still fascinates me. It’s what they say, “the Universe conspires”..a web for them. A cocoon, a solace. To me it seems. Being a girl, I am a hardcore Chick-flick, chick-lit aficionado. The pseudo-intellect in me loves me my intellectual movies and books to read, but deep within I know I enjoy me some love and playful banter tad bit more. I ENJOY it, being the expression to stress on. Simply put, I LOVE LOVE. I just love it. With all my heart and soul. I’ve written teeny bopper-ish love poems all through High School. Still do. They are random and funny and with exaggerated expectations, but that’s just me. Loving love. I have not however had a boyfriend for almost 8 years now. Don’t get me wrong, SOME boys did like me, and I liked some, I was audacious enough to ask out boys, 3 to be precise and all of them turned me down. Yes, my heart did break into million pieces each time. But I still LOVE love, albeit not bold enough anymore to coagulate the courage to make another reckless and heart-wrenching proposal.

I feel that somehow I am incomplete, a part of my inside is empty, waiting, waiting, impatiently, and yet sometimes surprisingly patiently, to be complete. That one day, someday, I shall be loved, in a way no one has loved me before. an exquisite sensation deep within my core. That the rising sun each morning would finally give me a purpose to smile and let me burn deep into the night. No, no, this seems queazy but I am not particularly talking about sex, I am talking about falling in love. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel needed. To be the reason someone smiles everyday and return the gesture. To see and experience poetry in each and every breath I take. To see poetry in everything. Maddening love. Passionate love. Deep and drown-in-love kind of love. Hyperbolic much I can be, right? I just love love. This is one of my deepest, darkest fantasy. Till a point in my life I thought this feeling goes against my fundamental principle of feminism. Maybe a part of me is still in a fix. Still trying to negate these deep, dark desires. Or perhaps I am deliberately trying to suppress them, because I have not found what they call “THE ONE”. Maybe both.Can’t dwell and elaborate much on the latter option, but I thought to myself one day, regarding the former, that being a feminist does not necessarily imply you can’t hope and want and need to fall deep in love. This is a primal instinct. A primal need. We aren’t exactly incomplete. But we need love in our lives. We all do. It makes life worth living. It gives meaning and purpose to our life. Love. Yes it does. Be it love for a partner, a friend, a hobby or a job for that matter. It transcends a life from surviving each day to living each day. Love gives us Hope. Love is Hope in one of its many variant forms.

So, as I wait for my Dark Knight in shining armor, waiting to carry me with him so that we may both wage the battle together, I would just like to ask you, do you love love? The concept of love? Do you have someone in your life like that. One person you can truly count on, warts and all? If you do, then value them, appreciate them every single day, because not everybody gets that in one lifetime. And if you don’t then be that person for yourself. Fall in love with yourself each day. Be your own reason to smile. Go out there, cease this world, just envelope yourself in your thoughts and fall madly in love with yourself. Because what is life, if not lived with love.

Also, people, please pray for Nepal, and please do whatever tad bit you can for that shaken country.

Much love.


The Second Sex

“One is not born,but rather becomes a woman” is a quote that I thought was meant for the 1940s or 50s when it was written and published.If you are not aware of this book,THE SECOND SEX is a take on feminism by the eminent author Simon de Beauvoir.

If you are a resident of India,then you are quite familiar with the grind that girls are supposedly ‘not safe’ here.It is not safe for them to step out alone after hours,they ought go around traversing,loitering around late at night,alone or even with company for that matter.

If you have recently been reading the paper you must have read about the infamous Delhi gang rape.And I need not go into details about it,not that enough has not been said.

This post is not primarily about that.It is about THE SECOND SEX.Women even in the 22nd century are a subjugated class.Nations might be progressing economically,but the status of woman in the society has remained stagnant.We,the educated class who claim that this is not the case,if for that matter once you have asked your daughter,sister,mother,girl friend to not wear a certain kind of attire,or asked her to ‘behave like a girl/woman’,or for that matter not allowed her to have sexual partners of her choice according to her whims and fancies,and not judged her or a third person and stereotyped her a ‘slut/whore’ once,well,if this has NEVER been the case with you,I bow before you my Lord,because you truly treat all humans equally,but like me,if you are part of the masses,our education has been of no avail,and we are simply hypocritical.

There should be no shame in admitting that we all treat the women of our lives unequally most of the times,please note I said ‘unequally’ and not discriminated against,because either we are excessively chivalrous with the women or we are entirely oppressing them.There is no balance of probability in our treatment of women.Rare are the occasions when the women are treated equally.

We see our domestic helpers toiling each day,working day in and day out,to feed their drunkard husbands and infant kids only to be abused by them.But lets not discuss the uneducated class right now,we can’t expect much out of them either.They are merely following the tradition that women are the binding force of the household.

We who claim ourselves to be educated talk of ’emancipation of women’.Well,um,frankly,if the term emancipation is referred for women,the first inference is that they are not free,if I am not wrong,but the Constitution of India declares us a Democracy with Article 14 stating Equality for all irrespective of gender,caste,creed et cetra.Ergo,we in our minds believe that women are not free.They are still bound by the clutches of conventions and traditions.They suffer,toil and endure and it is their fundamental duty to do so,yet they should be emancipated.So,what is this emancipation from is the question that perpetually bothers me?

By the law of the land the women are free,but in practice nothing has changed now,has it?Even if women are progressing,stepping out of the house and working shoulder to shoulder with men,they are expected to take care of their children along with their jobs.The usual notion is ‘ladki ab ikkis saal ki ho gayi hai,shaadi karva do iski'(your daughter has turned 21,you ought to get her married now,before it is too late).Curfew timings are different for boys and girls in the same household.The girls are inherently expected to be ‘more responsible’ to their sexual counterparts.And the examples are endless.

This notion of emancipation is the creation of the mind.It is in the mind that the difference between a boy and a girl is set.No new born is aware whether it has a vagina or a penis,or what is its purpose,we as society teach these infants the difference between the sexes.We create notions of inequality in their minds,feed the brain the nutrition of gender,nurture the differences and once they are set in stone for good,in order to sound educated,’permissive’ and liberal we speak of such notions of emancipation which are absolutely bogus or merely of declaratory nature with no implementation.

According to me,five men did not rape that girl,WE,the society did,we are constantly raping the girl child who was killed when she was a fetus,who was killed when she was a new born,who is constantly killed each and every day of her life by being treated unequally as opposed to her sexual counterpart.We are also raping the working women,who supposedly are free,but are bound by fear in mind,we are raping those women too who relentlessly endure domestic violence to avoid shame from society.Also we rape the housewives who hold no value in the eyes of husband and kids.Also,we rape the old women of our households who have lived as the ‘second sex’ all their lives,and they are consequently raping their generations by feeding such notions in their grand-daughters and feline relatives alike.

The fact that a woman is not safe in a city like Delhi is not her fault,it is ours.The fact that she is perpetually living in fear and is constantly terrorized by her sexual counterparts just because she has a hole in her body that can gratify her male counterpart’s sexual needs is just grotesque.

My vagina appalls me,it makes me loathe the fact that I was born as a girl in a country like India.

I am the Second Sex.In my body,and in my mind.

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