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Aam Aurat

Hello My Pretty Pretty Lovelies Out There,

First of all I would like to take this opportunity and wish all my lovely ladies out there a Belated Happy Women’s Day. That being said throughout my adolescence I haven’t really been a big fan of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for ‘women empowerment’ but to designate one mere day to celebrate women according to me is an abysmal travesty. But then I realized in India there are plenty festivals which involve worshiping Goddesses and that too seems  an aspirational   ‘women empowerment’ module. Well of sorts. I deduce that I have met my predicament half way and say that this is an opportunity to assign one specific day to celebrate womanhood.

I think that settles my introspective debate I keep having.

Women today across most sectors are pioneering cult personalities and paving  a way for us to assimilate into what I’d like to call ‘the man’s world’. Most of these keys figures have had to push and shove and reach where they have while in tandem juggling with their family lives. I have been working for what, a year now, and boy oh boy, has the work taken a toll on my life. I am physically incapable of taking care of myself after work. I CRAVE weekends to get household chores done. While these women not only struggled their way through careers, most of the times being mocked and scoffed at, while also sustaining an equilibrium at the home front.Kudos to you.

Lots to learn from them I must say.

While that is the bright side of the day, these are also the times where I hear and read more rampantly about rape cases then I did probably 10 years ago. One particular case that got my attention was of a 15 year old girl who was raped and then set on fire. When I read about it, I was utterly speechless and dumbfounded. I had enraged beyond human comprehension and I wondered what happened to the Justice Verma recommendations which were proposed after the Nirbhaya incident? What happened to the zeal and enthusiasm of the common folk with which they revolted against barbaric and archaic rape laws in our country? Had that fervor subdued over the incessant repetitiveness  of such ‘cases’. I suppose that is what it has become today: ‘a case’.

I think what bugs me more is when I hear “Bhagwaan ka shukar hai mere saath nahi hua/humaari beti ke saath nahi hua” or the self-confessed intellectuals conveniently turning a blind eye towards news like this. I mean for me at the least, whenever I read or hear about such news, I feel someone has mentally raped me, I feel as though someone has mentally stripped me naked and subjected me to a violent act of mental rape,’cause this X person has. He has scarred me.He is scarring me.

And here I am celebrating Women’s Day. While I could be ‘doing something’ about sociopaths like these. I feel at a crossroad on most days when I think of this issue frankly. On one hand, the women force in India is progressing forward shoulder to shoulder with men while there is this issue where the women in the society endure regressive pressure of tradition, customs and such injustice. (Yes! I would like to bracket some of these redundant traditions and customs with the injustice of rape.)

Why do we go to temples when we do not worship the ‘Devis’ residing in our homes? Why do we call ‘Bhaarat’ our ‘Mata’ when we treat Her with utter disrespect? Why do we talk of being protective of our mothers, daughters and sisters when we disrespect the mothers, daughters and sisters of others? Why?

I think I would like to partially blame patriarchy here. We are all victims of it. We think that albeit a woman is working it is HER fundamental duty to the chores at home. We think albeit she is making money, she should not be making MORE money than the boy/husband she is with. We think that after producing a child, it is HER fundamental duty to put her career rust in sabbatical. While on the same hand we also think that MEN should be fundamental strong and care-takers. We also think that MEN should not be emotional and shedding tears qualifies as ‘sissy/feminine’ behavior. We also think that MEN sharing their feelings conveniently retrogrades them as ‘weak individuals.’ We think that MEN are the bread-winners while the women are the ‘HOME-MAKERS’. WE DECIDE THESE ROLES. Does a child through his/her formative years know that he/she is a he/she? We make him/her a him or a her. I think this archaic parameter of role definition and corresponding ‘Sanskar-ism’ based on the gender should be done away with. We need to teach our kids to be good human beings firstly before we define them based on their gender. I think that is enough gyaan for the day. Ain’t it?

Well, that being said,  I would like to end this post by raising a toast to all those lovely ladies out there struggling to define themselves as (primarily as) people in this vastly divided world (primarily based on gender, then religion, caste, creed, state, class etc) and to all the men out there aspiring to be emotionally sensitive (in their own funky ways). To all of you celebrating the ‘Aam Aurat’ : Cheers for better times to come. Here’s to hoping of a ‘Bharat Mata’ living up to the great burden of Her Name.
Cheers.

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The Coin Called Happiness

Yello to all my lovelies,

Seasons Greetings to all. While everyone else is either working,prepping for an upcoming wedding or simply enjoying the onset of winter,I am stuck with my books for the coming Semester exams. :/. And I just can’t get myself to doing it. The weather discourages me from studying. He wants me to stay cooped up in a blanket and only get out for  a cup of jo. 😛

Anyhow,so this time around I have a tonne of questions that need answering, not just for me you don’t, you also need to answer them for yourself.

So, essentially what is happiness? How do you define it? What criteria or how do I measure happiness?

Every time I stand waiting at a crossing and a child comes begging or an anorexic man comes and stand in front of the car begging me to purchase a book or a  charger,whatever he is selling that day, I say “Thank God” I wasn’t born impoverished. But of late I have started to wonder, if he is happy still? If he is content with what he has and gets a good night sleep after the laborious day that he has had?

Truth be told, after my Mother passed on, happiness is just a temporary state which extinguishes soon after the joke is over. With her, a part of my heart, a part of the child in me, a part of my happiness died.

So I end up comparing myself to him, considering I was born in a home where money was not as big an issue as it is for them.

These days around,every one I meet including myself are very money-centric. Retail therapy ring a bell? We find spending money therapeutic or so we tell ourselves. But in the last two years I have not found solace in my greed. I have truly cherished all the tangible gifts and blessings I have been showered with, but that does not define my happiness.

Then I wonder, there are those who have all the riches in the world but they endure and are not satisfied. It is sadness that drives them to exist and not happiness.

My father used to tell me a story when I was a child, that the richest man in the world could not eat well, sleep well, live well, merely out of the fear that someone shall try and kill him. He could not like the pauper in his kingdom sleep in peace under the tree. He was not free. His supposed wealth had tied him down and his freedom.

I even hear relationships are measured by the tablespoon of money.

But if money is such an essential component of happiness, why aren’t the people with fat bank balances as happy as their balances?

These days I think that man I pity is probably happier than I am. Albeit, money is important, it is not the sole, not even the primary component of happiness.

Ah! but this post was supposed to be about questions and not conclusions, so here it goes…

What is happiness?

Does having more money mean more happiness?

Isn’t the consumerist tendency driving us to a stage of slavery, ultimately destroying our happiness altogether?

Are we happy with what we have?

Would having more make us happier?

Are relationships not based on quid pro quo?

I thought love conquers all. But like it is said “PAISA PRADHAAN HAI” (Money is the Boss).

Let me know what you think.

 

 

The One That Shines At Night

So,in the dreary cold while walking my dog,when I looked up,I saw the moon,and came up with a juvenile verse.Thought I ought to share with my lovelies.

 

In the night,

when the stars are bright,

I stare at you and the

darkness ceases to frighten me.

 

You are but a spot in the sky,

but O Mighty One!

you diminish the darkness,

and leave a speck..

of Hope?

 

Life follows your footsteps,

and changes with days,

It does not always diminish darkness,

but those days are worth the wait.

 

I am but a naive soul,

seeking your guidance,

to conclude this night,

to proceed to the next break of dawn.

 

Yet,stay with me,

for like the day breaks,

the night is just around the corner,

and with it,

my tiny speck of Hope.

 

Much love.

 

The Epic Tragedy

Well if you were hoping for a tawdry,wry post how I am wallowing in my own pool of sorrows,well you are partially INCORRECT.

Partially incorrect you ask?

Well in that case,let me break the cookie about the partially CORRECT aspect of it.

If you are an ardent follower of my blog,I bet you know of the recent catastrophe that Our Dear God inflicted upon me.Apart from that,I recently met with a gruesome accident which along with the said ‘catastrophe’ has left an indelible mark that refuses to torment me.Well,if this was not enough,I am heart broken.Yes!in the literal sense.Till I am able to figure out and sort ‘this’ particular aspect out,you are free to conjecture,whatever you wish to conjecture out of it.When I shall have dealt with it,I shall generously share the intricate details of my oh-so-broken-ripped-in-pieces heart.

Anyhoo,The past month and a half has been quite  a trying one.To top it all,adjusting to a ‘NEW’ not-so-friendly,excessively hostile College(yes!my DREAM-COLLEGE Dream just shattered into pieces.=/ ).Getting back to the point,the past month and a half has been quite a trying one.And to be blatantly honest,even though I can masquerade the tears,the pain,the grief and the monumental despair behind the facade of a plastic smile,I wake up each morning,hoping and praying to this Dear God of ‘yours’ to give me strength,but each morning mechanically my body refuses to acknowledge the wake of dawn.Like a machine however,the ‘physical me’ wakes up to continue this drab routine called ‘life’.And each night,hoping and praying,I sleep off praying to this Dear God of ‘yours’ to give me strength to survive another day.Continue the said pattern mechanically,with no emotions attached whatsoever.Like a mobile computer,robots they call it,right?Yes,exactly,like a robot,no actually,a mere puppet,with the strings being held by this Dear God of ‘yours’.Just a machine,procuring its said functions.

Amidst the plethora of my grievous despondency,did you forget the partially INCORRECT bit of it?

Oh you did,didn’t you?If you did not,well,it is much appreciated,you are one helluva sincere reader.=).Anyhoo,getting back to the point(this stoopid stream of consciousness technique that messes with my attempt-to-sound-mature-and-grown-up-like entry).

The partially incorrect bit:

1.I finished reading ‘The God of Small Things’.How does a mere book suffice to endure the tragedy?Well,you ought to read it to get it.This is by far the best book I have read.I connect with it on levels not many can understand.Not many SHOULD understand.It talks of death from an absolutely different perspective.And not just that,the layers of meaning each sentence has,the dark wit and the single stranded joke on ‘US’ a.k.a.humankind,to be precise:Indian-kind,no author has been able to mock us and mirror the hidden skeletons in our closet the way Arundhati Roy has been able to do.I am in love with that woman’s brain.LITERALLY.And this book,I would say She has gotten me writing again,both blogging and poetry(shall share the poem soon enough).

2.Even though,the handful of it barely drags through the day,but the handful of it stretches its limits each day.It varies to be honest.From day to day,from event to event,it extinguishes soon,yes it does,but it is there,and it grows,not by enormous degrees,bit by bit.And I suppose,it is what has save’d’ me,incorrect,save’s’ me from the wretched clutches of insanity:S.T.R.E.N.G.T.H.

Yes,the abject pitiful state of affairs never cease to befall,or that is how it seems,the gravity has been increasing from one catastrophe to another,the Epic Tragedy of all is to cease to live.

Merely surviving is like slow poison,it penetrates deep within your system at an ‘alarmingly’ slow pace.It tatters your insides bit by bit,and gradually you are left with mere flesh,and a plastic smile,the Soul and the Heart,the emotions completely extinguish.They cease to exist.All that is left is a mere ‘alive’ dead body.And to be blatantly honest,this is how I have become.Or not?Who am ‘I’ to judge?(‘The God of Small Things’ has taken a serious toll on me!Anyhoo,the stream-of-consciousness-technique messing again!)

There is a hurricane blazing inside me,masqueraded by the plastic smile and lame humor(yes!the intellect has been adversely effected by the ‘series of unfortunate events’).

The partially incorrect is,however,is my ability to try each day.Yes,these are the best of times,as in,the best to test my ability to bear the storm,the best to strengthen me,the best to fall-in-love-be-heartbroken-and-realise-that-I-failed-my-own-theory-and-experienced-rather-am-privileged-to-experience-‘Unconditional Love’,to let go off excess baggage.Yes,these are the best of times,for,I am too young,and this journey to long,and I learnt early.Yet,these are the worst of times,for I am NOT a bad human,for I do NOT deserve such tragedies,for I endure pain and the world moves on without so much as caring,that I am breaking each day,falling and rusting and extinguishing.

The partially incorrect is,that even though I have no strength to survive,I still do.This is probably what Mumma wants.

The epic tragedy of life is not NOT-TO-LIVE.And no,I am not living,I am a mere survivor of the series of storms,I am still ‘alive’,dying,not dead,for a reason.And maybe,I shall start living again,soon or maybe late.This storm inside may cease,this hollow inside however may never fill,probably I have furthermore ‘downs’ to experience and maybe I may break a HELL lot more,but I refuse to succumb to Life and its insane tragedies,and  NOT choose (what I call it now:)the convenient opportunity called Death.

Yes!I am a mere machine today,and yes,it may take a HELL LOT OF time to be back to normal(whatever normal is?According to the ‘reasonable standard of society’),but like they say, “this too shall pass”.And this Epic Tragedy shall leave an Epic Lesson to learn.

 

 

P.S.:I am thinking,I shall start penning a book soon.Say what?

The Birthday Post

Hello My Lovelies,

For all those who do not know,it was my birthday day before.Being the youngest in the family,and frankly the most pampered,my Birthday connotes Diwali,Eid and Christmas all packed in one day.This time around,I wanted to conduct an experiment and put it forward for your perusal.What would that be you ask?The past year,when the year round I was sitting at home,I learnt to live with myself happily,and was quite content with it.I started going shopping alone(for all you girlies!you know it is impossible!),and even started watching movies alone,a typical American trend,but I am quite alright with it,thank you.The experiment however,was to ‘dine alone’.That for an insane person like me as well,is quite scary.So,I had been dodging my friends’ call from a week before my birthday.(And yes!they are quite angry still!).

Alas,the experiment has been postponed for some other occasion.Not that I didn’t have fun.My agenda for the day was such:

1.Go to Bangla Sahib,

2.Have Absinthe,

3.Eat lunch alone,

4.Buy myself a birthday present,

5.Dinner with Sis and her BFF.

Apart from 3 and 4 I manage to cross the rest,well Sis’s BFF could not join us,but the day turned out to be quite a good one.

Ah!Now the important section,this past year I thought had been quite the trying one.At the end of one year,I realize however that,it was a Lesson God intended to teach.I stumbled and fell,yes,indeed,but at the end of it all,I learnt to pick myself up as well.

Some of the most amazing things that happened to me this past year include:

1.I fell more in love with my BFF,A.,she is the most amazing thing to have happened to me,she gets me no one does,she is there when I need her,no questions asked,she forgives me easily,and with all my flaws she accepts me and loves for the way I am,I love you TOO much A,

2.I finally learnt to drive,and now I know for a fact HOW much I had missed out till now,well,like it’s said,BETTER LATE THAN NEVER,

3.I started blogging,it is relieving to yearn that we aren’t the only ones struggling with the kind of issues we have in life,the purpose of my blog to leave a Mantra for every one else,and yet it happens,I end up assimilating and inculcating valuable lessons from peoples’ blogs,

4.I lost most of my puppy fat,(mind you!MOST of it,not ALL of it,!).Yes!I know,I still have a long way to go,but it feels good to have finally embarked the journey after 21 years of my life span.People keep asking me how I managed to do it,whether I joined a Diet Course,worked out,did something ‘special'(yes!they use this specific word!),so in this regard I can only say,THERE ARE NO SHORT CUTS TO SUCCESS,if something is worth achieving,there is just one way,hard work.And trust me it pays off,

5.I patched things up with S,she through out school had been my Soul Sister,and I managed to ruin it all.We literally grew up together.Went through the ‘wannabe-ish’ phase together,grew out of it together,learnt of fashion and other unmentionable subjects too together.She understood me like no one did,or still does may be,and for all these reasons and infinite more,I love her,and I am glad we patched it all,

6.I shall start College again,after exactly one year,I am quite excited and nervous,and well Law School,who would have thought I would end up pursuing Law,but yes,it indeed feels great,

7.I became much closer to Ronny and A.J,it is sad how people lose touch and forget that they had spent quite an amazing time just a few years back.I did too lose touch with most of my friends,I tend to go into my shell quite often,but thanks to technological advancements and in my case,my lovely Blackberry,I got back in touch with Ronny and A.J..Ronny was my roommate in school,and much more.She is one of the most kindest and generous souls I have come across in my life,she has stuck by and motivated me through some of the trying times and done so with a smile,I just wish she wasn’t as far away as she is,’cause waking up every morning and knowing that there is someone to look out for you is the most blissful feeling,ah well!we have our ‘what’sapp’.And about A.J.,I have always admired her for the person that she is,unfortunately we weren’t as close friends in school as we are now,sadly,she is miles away too.I am glad that this person,whom I dearly admired is finally a close friend.

8.My ‘newest’ and most ‘awesomest’ friend,J.T.It is rare that one comes across individuals with a heart of gold like his.Even though I have known him for barely three or four months,I feel blessed to have him in my life.It is a general perception that people are losing faith in mankind and there is a gradual decay of humanity,but coming across individuals like him reignites my faith.Yes,I agree,I barely know him,but I am going to make sure that I am not letting him go out of my life.That is why it is called Best Friend Forever,=),

9.I finally learnt to fall in love with myself.We are our biggest critics and it is quite upsetting how we expect people to accept us the way we are,when truly put even WE don’t accept ourselves.But this past year,I made a deliberate attempt to appreciate myself with all my flaws.

Yes,this last year has been quite the trying one,however I decided to concentrate on the ‘Blessings’ Good Lord showered me with.

There is a gigantic list of ‘TO-DOs’ for this coming year.Gradually as I keep crossing it off,I shall share the experiences with you.

Till the next time this is N signing out.

Believe in Miracles

Every time I look at the unilluminated sky and see a shooting star,like a kid who received free candy,the joy is unexplainable in words.And with tightly shut eyes and folded hands,I pray,”Bhagwanji!Please Please Please ___________”.(No!I shall not share the wish till it is fulfilled!=P).Whenever,I am at a wishing Well,the same process is repeated.

 

I believe that Miracles happen.And they happen often,it is just our vision which is blurred enough not to witness them everyday.Yes!everyday.They occur everyday.For me they do.

Sometimes,the Miracle that we seek is what we need at the time,and not necessarily what we want,but do not let it slip by,it is a Miracle indeed.

Albeit,I am still recovering,I believe that Miracle is on its way.=)

Baby,I Love You!

Ah!I wish I could have patented February as the Love month.Alas!the hibernation ruined the entire plan.Anyhow.This post is dedicated to the One Soul in my Life who loves me unconditionally.

Even before I begin,let me briefly explain this theory of mine,I am not a believer of Unconditional Love.Because Love according to me is NEVER Unconditional.How?The condition to spend time together/to sacrifice/to be faithful et cetra,the fundamentals of a relationship thrive on conditions.So juxtaposing Unconditional against Conditional Love,practically speaking,Conditional will be my pick.

But this One,particularly,loves me unconditionally still.Every time I look into those puppy dog eyes,the naive and unconditional love spurring through them always bring a smile to my face.The One being who manages to cheer me up in the worst of time.Takes my tantrums and even loves me nonetheless.Never have I witnessed Him reciprocating the angst that I thrust upon Him so conveniently in many of my Bad Days.He welcomes the tired Me with a smile and a Hug.And only wants a smile in return.

And even though it has merely been three years with Him,the entire lifetime seems incomplete without Him.

I love you my Zookey.Just always be in my life.

I am attaching a few pictures from his childhood,don’t have too many from the present days,he is camera-shy and allergic to shutterbugs.(Or at least that is my excuse for Him breaking every camera that tries to immortalize him!)

First slumber at home

"All I Wanna Do is Sleep!Sleep!Sleep!"

"And Once I am Up,Eat,Drink and Play!"

He was Playing with the Bottle Here

15 Day Old Zuke=As Big as my Sister's petite hand.

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