Recently on my way back home from college my friend and I had an enlightening tete-a-tete.Enlightening for me to be precise.Because Her and I have been friends for almost 8 months now,and I usually let my guard down once I befriend people,but after the conversation she commented,”I never thought you would be such an emotionally enlightening person,I always took you as an incessant shopper whose life revolved around malls,parties and socializing.I always thought you were the bully and not the bullied”(and basically deriving an assumption that I am a shallow b*tch).
That got me thinking…(its bound to)…and I am unabashedly sharing this incident with you is BECAUSE:
I have felt the pain of a heart break.And NO,it is NOT just a beau who can break your heart.For the kid who waited and peeped from behind the curtains of the stage to see if her/his parents have arrived,only to be dismayed to have noticed the seats vacant the entire time of the recital.Or the sibling who refused to solve your problem and bullied you,or the BFF who promised she/he would be there in your times of need and did not.I might be missing out a whole bunch of instances but you get the gist.Hearts are broken when expectations are not met,as simple as that.And please don’t illusion yourself that yours never did.(If it really NEVER happened,you really NEVER experienced life!)
Truth be told,mine has been broken on various occasions by a host of people.But let’s not get into the details of that.
My point is,which passing heart break,we toughen up.With each passing heart break,we build a level of wall,ordaining our Heart to
2.not cut slack easily,
3.if done,be wary,and
4.DO NOT let its guard down easy.
With each heart break,the invisible level increases and we,our true selves are guarded by these hypothetical walls,gradually which start to govern our lives.And then make-belief,befooling others,unconsciously tricking others into believing and we ACTUALLY are that tough and that our system is completely cleansed of vulnerability.Hardly recognizing the brutal fact that our true selves are lost behind these ‘tough’,’unbreakable’ walls.
With all this accumulated pain,we refuse to give our Heart away,we refuse to feel love,because it comes a pricey cost of pain.We refuse to acknowledge what could have been a meaningful relationship just because we could not put our guard down,we did not want to be hurt again.We did not want to risk it again…
And I won’t lie,I am always on guard,these walls have penetrated so deep within my system that most of the times I prefer to let go than hold onto the people who truly matter.Why risk it?Is it worth it?
Frankly,sometimes it wouldn’t be worth the risk.But are we willing to let Pain get the best of us?Should be start assuming that there is ONLY pain,and NO love?
Yes,chances are our Hearts will be broken,expectations shattered,OFTEN,that does not mean we will not experience kindness,generosity,selflessness and Love.
We cannot let our Heart be spiraled into a trance of hopelessness.
It is easier said than done,I agree,but isn’t Love worth the risk?
To me,Love is everything.And totally worth it all.